I became a therapist, as many of us do, because I had a whole heap of ‘stuff’ weighing me down. This ‘stuff’ shut me down emotionally and physically to the point where I couldn’t go out unless I knew where there would be a place to sit and rest my forever aching back.
Throughout all of this, I still looked great, I ran my boutiques, taught water aerobics, was on a couple of committees, had a husband, a dog I walked twice a day and looked ‘normal’! However, what was going on inside was a very different story. I was tight, rigid, and emotionally shut down AND I didn’t even know it!
Doctors didn’t help so I started to unravel this very messy ball of string and along the way, I found my ‘calling’ and started to help others unravel their various balls of string too.
We all have our own unique story or stories; some more traumatic than others with abuse, abandonment and all number of negative memories becoming trapped in our memories, our subconscious which becomes our programing and consequently our unique model of the world. Our perception becomes our truth, it takes root and goes out every day to confirm this ‘truth’ which came from a perception that may not even be true! Is this messy or what?
What I learned about myself and many of my clients is, what really screws us up, is not always what happened it is our perception of what happened which can be very different from the truth!
Let me explain and see how this might fit for you.
I didn’t have a bad childhood. My parents were ordinary people with their own limitations and just wanted the best for me, my older sister Lesley and younger brother Glyn. However, I learned right from the get-go – before logic set in – that when Mum was pregnant with me, she wanted a boy and told everyone she was having a boy and a little brother for Lesley! Hmmm, so when I showed up late, crying and screaming I was a huge disappointment to my Mum, which extended to my dad, my siblings, my relatives, and everyone present when this story was told. I heard this story many times and of course, took it personally and ‘being a disappointment’ became my model of the world and is what I came to believe about myself. i.e., I am a HUGE disappointment, I’m not what they wanted, I should have been a boy.