I became a therapist, as many of us do, because I had a whole heap of ‘stuff’ weighing me down. This ‘stuff’ shut me down emotionally and physically to the point where I couldn’t go out unless I knew where there would be a place to sit and rest my forever aching back.
Throughout all of this, I still looked great, I ran my boutiques, taught water aerobics, was on a couple of committees, had a husband, a dog I walked twice a day and looked ‘normal’! However, what was going on inside was a very different story. I was tight, rigid, and emotionally shut down AND I didn’t even know it!
Doctors didn’t help so I started to unravel this very messy ball of string and along the way, I found my ‘calling’ and started to help others unravel their various balls of string too.
We all have our own unique story or stories; some more traumatic than others with abuse, abandonment and all number of negative memories becoming trapped in our memories, our subconscious which becomes our programing and consequently our unique model of the world. Our perception becomes our truth, it takes root and goes out every day to confirm this ‘truth’ which came from a perception that may not even be true! Is this messy or what?
What I learned about myself and many of my clients is, what really screws us up, is not always what happened it is our perception of what happened which can be very different from the truth!
Let me explain and see how this might fit for you.
I didn’t have a bad childhood. My parents were ordinary people with their own limitations and just wanted the best for me, my older sister Lesley and younger brother Glyn. However, I learned right from the get-go – before logic set in – that when Mum was pregnant with me, she wanted a boy and told everyone she was having a boy and a little brother for Lesley! Hmmm, so when I showed up late, crying and screaming I was a huge disappointment to my Mum, which extended to my dad, my siblings, my relatives, and everyone present when this story was told. I heard this story many times and of course, took it personally and ‘being a disappointment’ became my model of the world and is what I came to believe about myself. i.e., I am a HUGE disappointment, I’m not what they wanted, I should have been a boy.
The truth is, nobody told me I was a disappointment or any of the above it was MY PERCEPTION of what I heard which I took to mean something that wasn’t even true. Nobody talked about the impact of this of course because nobody knew about it including me. And why was that? – well because logic doesn’t kick in until about age 6 – 7 which, by that time, the programing is well installed, and that programing then goes out to prove itself ‘right’ and gathers all the information to confirm the perception. As time goes on, so the programing gets stronger, it goes to school and proves itself there, it moves into friendships and relationships and proves itself there and on it goes. Of course, it manifests into I’m not good enough, I can’t do this or that and spreads like a cancer into every area of life and it’s still just a perception.
Can you see how this works?
So, my perception got bigger and stronger, and nobody helped ‘cos nobody knew. But the power of this increase and I became that which nobody wanted. I failed, I held myself back, I was fearful, my relationships didn’t work out, I didn’t believe I could have the best, the good looking, the popular friends, boyfriends and more.
This model of the world, based on a perception became the world I lived in because I had created it. 2 failed marriages, 2 back operations later and ga-zillions of monies spent on unravelling this story has brought me here to this very place where I can share the power of perception and the damage done by perception and simple misunderstanding.
I invite you to investigate your own perceptions and see the impact in your life. Recognizing also that if this happened to me and it’s happened to you, it is also happening to your children your siblings and everyone on the planet.
Investigating negative subconscious programing and changing it is ‘key’ to living the life you want and deserve and ‘that’ is ‘the truth’.
In closing, I celebrate everything that happened to me – perceived or real – that brought me to this place where I can help many people like myself understand themselves like never before and change their perceptions to a truth of self-love and acceptance.
With respect for everyone on this journey of self discovery
Jaz Goven